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GRAMMY SKANK: SCRATCH WINS WITH JAMAICAN E.T.

The best "eggae" album

In what is easily the most upsetting entertainment story of the decade, Scratch won the 2003 Grammy for Best Reggae Album with his wild and weird Jamaican ET album. In a typically upsetting "outerview" with Jamaican newspaper The Star, Scratch warned that his win meant there will be no more reggae.

"My music is no longer reggae, it is 'eggae'. In darkest night and brightest day, there will no longer be reggae, only 'eggae'. Black magic has fallen, the beat is cramped and paralyzed
forever," Scratch proclaimed.

Much more coherent was his adoring wife Mireille, who told The Star "I am so happy. I knew that he would win, I was screaming when he won." Due to the time difference, Scratch and Mireille didn't find out about the win until the day after the awards, when Mad Professor called them with the news. "He didn't want to go because of the war," said Mireille. "We are happy, we are smiling," she said, sounding very happy.

Beating out competition like Freddie McGregor and Capleton, Scratch claimed that the award was his to begin with and that Twelve Tribes members like Capleton and Sizzla should be on their guard. "The people say Lee 'Scratch' Perry shall get the award and Freddie McGregor shall wait forever in the United States. I didn't do any nose lift like Michael Jackson, I wish my fans to be rich like me. Out of reggae come stress, 'eggae' come to heal, to make the poor rich. I'm coming back to Kingston to save Kingston. I am the sheriff to get the rebels arrested and executed. The rebels are the Twelve Tribe whose God is coke, drinking devil's soup which is the rum."

"I will not bless the City Of Doom."
- Lee Perry

Eternal Thunder webmaster Mick Sleeper was amused by Scratch's win, but was fairly sardonic about the whole affair, perhaps the result of a headache that evening. "Call me a jaded hipster, but who gives a shit about the Grammys? I think it's great that Scratch won, but look at the bigger picture: Scratch is enough of a hero amongst us reggae fans that some chunk of gold from Babylon isn't going to make it official. This is just some kind of crazy blip on the screen that makes for interesting chat amongst reggae fans."

One time Scratch collaborator Ron Stackman was amused at the prospect of "cruise ship reggae fans" checking out Jamaican ET just because it won the Grammy and being in for a surprise.

Scratch was not in the US for the ceremony, since he had to honor a deal with the man upstairs. "I promised God not to go to the 'city of doom' for the next ten years. I will not bless the city of doom," he said, chuckling, referring to New York City. "I'm glad Jamaican ET did it, but they have to mail it."

May 2003